Soldier of Fortune: a Donnie Darko Tale
by bandits pesty uncle
Summary: Donnie awakens on his bed with the knowledge of two things: he will die if he doesn't move and Cherita Chen is in love with him. He escapes the clutches of death with one thought in mind: he loves her too. Follow Donnie on his mission to diviate from the normal path in search of true and honest love. Can he have a happy ever after? Or will who he is catch up to him? Read & Review.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Donnie Darko or the characters or any of the theories that are associated with the movie. The plot for the story comes from these websites I found with scientific explanations but I warped them to suit my own need for this story.

The websites are:

. /explanation/

. /unanswered-questions/?post=true#blog

. /alternative-explantions/

I will give a brief outline here of what is going on with Donnie and why this all happens to him. Of course this is not a legit theory, just one that suits the story I want to write. Please review with your opinions but be respectful.

-Donnie is a superhero like Dr. Who but it is not fun. It is a curse and he constantly ripped from Time Line to Time Line

-his whole purpose is to save the world from TU created by any kinds of disruptions

-when ever he wakes up laughing it is because he recalls everything that he has ever done (including what it will all lead to -which is nothing-) and he laughs at himself because he doesn't know why he tries. But eventually he forgets when back in the timeline.

-the last thing that occurred (the movie) was different

-in every TU or strange occurrence, there is always someone who falls in love with him (usually Gretchen but sometimes Joanie) because he is the chosen one and because it must be done to save the world and they are manipulated living

-the women in his family know about him at length and know why he is so weird

-this explains why his mother is odd like him (she had the curse and passed it on)

-why no one cried at the beginning when it crashed in his room because they knew he was back from a mission but at the end they knew he was dead

-the reason the mother wasn't upset was because she knew he was going through deep suffering

-the only way it could end was if he died or passed on his gift, ( Roberta gave it to his mother when she taught her in school-in this story Rose went to that school as a child and was given the curse by Roberta which explains why Roberta wrote the book-and his mother gave it to him at birth)

-if it is not passed on it finds a new person to save the world

-the strange thing that occurred was finding out Cherita had a crush on him

-Cherita had nothing to do with the any of the plots and never was a love interest and never did anything to manipulate Donnie into saving the world

-the knowledge that someone could love him beyond his super hero qualities is what made him come back and relinquish his abilities

-instead of dying he rolls out of bed and only hurts his arm in the process and chooses to remember everything that occurred in the last universe but that is it


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I don't know why the links didn't post but I'll try them again.

The websites are:

www. donniedarko. org .uk/ explanation/

www. donniedarko. org .uk/ unanswered-questions/ ?post=true#blog

www. donniedarko. / alternative-explantions/

**Donnie Darko:**

Without the stress of having to save the world the day seems brighter, normal even. Maybe I can go a few years without another Tangent Universe appearing. My mom told me once—before the Primary Universe needed saving and before I became the Living Receiver—it only happened to her eight times; maybe the last thirty've been a fluke or something. As I walk up to the gathering of peers at the bus stop my eyes land on Cherita Chen.

Maybe.

"There he is! There he is! Mr. Undestructable!" calls Ron in a giant announcer voice.

Sam elbows my side and for the first time I feel myself actually blush and do some kind of goofy grin thing. For fucksake, I feel like a normal kid again. Sean slaps Ron on the back of the head while he corrects, "It's Indestructible, you idiot!"

Ron retorts with a shove and some stupid remark but my eyes follow the trail that Sam's hair leads to Cherita Chen. In her arms are her books and my heart, her shoulders are hunched inward, her eyes stare in my direction but I can tell she's not looking at me. I want her to look at me but not in this setting, not with my stupid friends fooling around. She looks to my sister and her friends and I wonder who she hangs out with. I never saw her really talk to anyone if it wasn't about some project. Did she have a comrade?

"Well, come on. Don't be coy, show us! Mr. INDESTRUCTIBLE," came Sean's voice, piercing through my thoughts.

He means my cast. I lift my arm and immediately they pull out black Sharpie markers and begin to sign. It seems you can't just leap out of bed to avoid being crushed by a plane engine without getting a few injuries. I roll my eyes at my friends, "Don't draw any dicks or anything. My mom'll get pissed."

"Pissed or wet?" Ron asks and the chuckles ensue.

Samantha comes out of nowhere to hit him with her bag and that's when I really laugh. I look at my little sister as I ask, "Do you even know what that means?"

With her faced scrunched she nods her head, "Yeah! It's when a girl is sexually aroused and wants to do stuff."

Sean grabs Sam's bag and this is when Joanie steps in to call us all stupid and immature. The way she acts and the way her hair bounces makes me think if this were a Tangent Universe she would be my love interest. But this isn't and I look to Cherita as my dumb friends continue to throw words like "wet" and "pussy" around. I would have told them to shut up if she wasn't making the sweetest face. She's biting her lip and jutting out her chin as her eyes turn away in the ultimate sign of discomfort. It's so adorable I have to keep letting them go, my own form of teasing her. It's just so nice to see her looking like a kid when everyone else is trying so hard to be an adult. I can't help but enjoy it.

"Hey, let me sign."

My arm is suddenly lurched forward and the Sharpies go flying over the tough material encasing my arm. I roll my eyes because the last thing I want is a bunch of hearts and smiley faces annoying me all day. Originally I planned on painting something over it. I was going to sketch it out when I was bored in class but I guess all plans go out the window when girls get involved. I glance down at the first heart and roll my eyes again.

The bus pulls up and everyone goes running to the doors except for Cherita who is always the last one on. I hold onto a stray marker that had been thrusted to me and take slow, careful steps to the careful girl with her eyes everywhere but on me. I ask in a soft voice so I don't startle her, "Hey, Cherita. Do you...wanna sign my cast?"

"Chut up," Cherita hisses, her brown eyes blazing in the sun.

She turns her back to me and storms up the steps, leaving me broken and crumbling. My breath is gone, my heart is in my ass, and my stomach has gone with it. Is this possible? Does she not love me here? But I stayed alive for her, to love her. This can't be.

"Donnie! Get your ass on the bus!" Ron calls.

I shuffle forward in quiet disbelief. I plop down in my seat, in no mood to fuck around. I lower my eyes and that's when I see it on my cast. Joanie's name with a heart over the "I" and her phone number under it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Cherita Chen:**

I should have eaten breakfast.

The thought fills me with a sudden and unbearable shame but it's the truth. My stomach is weak and my head is swimming and I don't have any strength for what's supposed to happen today—today meaning in the next five minutes. I promised my mom that I was done skipping meals but here I am with no breakfast and too many hours until lunch. I lower my eyes to the ground and try to blink back the tears on the verge of spilling onto my face. If anyone could read my mind…they'd think…they'd think "of course." Because it's a sin for me to be so big and eat like a normal person should and feel terrible when I doubt. I shouldn't eat at all. I shouldn't eat ever again.

"There he is! There he is! Mr. Undestructable!"

Oh…

I told myself I would be ready. His hair is the same length it was before the jet engine collapsed in his bedroom. I told myself I would be ready or I wouldn't come in today. On his arm is a thick cast I can only imagine filled in with some sort of artwork. I heard his friends, those idiots Sean and Ron, talking about him coming back. In art class last year we experimented on rough surfaces and he always knew how to make things beautiful. The second I heard I heard what crashed into his room, onto his bed, I cried and left school. His uniform is buttoned up and neat like he never wears it. I thought he was dead until just yesterday.

"It's Indestructible, you idiot!"

I've been staring too long. I turn my eyes away to focus on something like a bird or what ever is off to the distance. I've been trained to deny myself the things I want the most and the things that give me the most pleasure and for my own sake I don't meet his eyes when I feel them fall on me. As always his stare burns my flesh and my body and I can feel myself melting under his gaze. I turn to look at Samantha who looks so much happier than she's looked in the few days her brother hasn't come with her to the bus stop. She's a sweet girl—innocent and not like cruel like her friends—and I hope to God she stays that way.

"Well, come on. Don't be coy, show us! Mr. INDESTRUCTIBLE."

There it is. I remember when I broke my leg when I was younger and the cast felt so heavy and thick I felt like a caged bird. I know he can use both hands to draw and to write—though he only applies it when he's concentrated on shading or painting—and I bet he feels like he has a clipped wing.

"Don't draw any dicks or anything. My mom'll get pissed," his voice is calm with a level of anxiety shimmering beneath it. He always sounds like the calm surface of a lake hiding deep mysterious bellow. He talks like they talk but he's not like they are.

"Pissed or wet?"

Before I can focus on what's going on Samantha runs at one of his idiot friends and begins hitting him with her bag…and there goes that kaleidoscope of sound that is his laugh, "Do you even know what that means?"

I turn my face away then because I don't want to hear her explanation or anything that will come after. I've been in the same class with these boys since middle school and I know what comes. It's the bad words and the bad descriptions being screamed at the top of their lungs. I keep my focus anywhere else but on him as those words come out of their mouth. I don't want him to think of that stuff and then get disgusted when he looks at me.

Joanie's voice—so sweet and yet so distastefully like her mother's—had been in the middle of the chaos but suddenly it says something that makes my gut twist like a knife has been jammed into me.

"Hey, let me sign."

There it is. There they all are. It's like a feeding frenzy around him, around my boy and I don't know what to say. My throat is tight and I squeeze my eyes shut to hold back the tears. For so long he has been just my secret delight. In middle school he was awful and because of that no one wanted anything to with him but something happened and he changed. For so long I was the only one that knew. For so long I knew he had been blooming into something so fantastic and now that he is big news everyone can sense it. Everyone wants it.

My heart is thundering in my chest on the verge of breaking because I know what's going to happen. He's been single for so long and part of me took pleasure in that but I know someone will come and take him from my secret dreams and then I will have to watch. I will have to watch them and I have this burning rage inside of me that tells me this time it will be her. It will be Joanie with her bouncing hair and her thin arms and nice legs and I am on my own. I will be a joke again. For so long he treated me like a person but like her he will turn me into a joke…I don't want to be a joke.

The bus pulls up and as always I wait for everyone to hurry on so I don't have to suffer pokes and pushes and comments at my expense. But as I wait for the last body I see the cast thrusted toward me and there it is. My voice is gone. I can't focus on what he says to me because there is her name and her number and he's showing it to me as if to tell me my hopeless dreaming is for nothing. Anger boils the inside of my bones. I want to die. I can't breathe.

"Chut up," I whisper angrily and start toward the bus.

I never want to hear his voice. I never want to see him again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Donnie Darko:**

My day at school is spent in a haze of wondering. She couldn't be manipulated living—well technically everyone could—so why would she stop loving me? Did I do something? Well of course there was that thing in eighth grade but I'm different now; she's different now. What did I do?

I look down at my cast and at the black bob that had been Joanie's name and phone number. I had wanted to make something nice of this stupid thing but leave it to people to shit on all your ideas. I glance up at Cherita sitting before me in the stupid Health class. You'd think with all the tuition my family has already wasted on this place they could spring for better fucking chairs. Ms. Farmer is going on about Jim Cunningham, the pedophile, and what an honor it's going to be to have him at the school. If only she knew.

My eyes are on Cherita's back when usually I would be sitting beside her (Chen, Darko. How could I not see my name on her book?) but Ms. Farmer said I should take some time to observe the class before joining it. My eyes follow the length of her hair that is so dark and so smooth I want to grasp the ends and watch my fingers poke through the continual stream of darkness. In my mind's eye each lock produces a euphoric sensation on my fingers like coming back from a collapsing universe. I find my heart beating really fast and uncomfortable like I might have a heart attack or something.

I look away from her hair and the image it created in my mind. My heart cools down but my finger still tingle, along with that place in my pants. I shake my head and glance out the window.

"Is something wrong, Mr. Darko?" Ms. Farmer questions, bringing my attention back to the class.

I'm annoyed to have to look at her and her face that's always so angry and forceful. Whether it's God or Jim Cunningham, she's always shoving something down our throats. I shake my head once more, "No."

"You look troubled, do you want to see the nurse?" There she is again with her pushing. She doesn't want me in the class so she wants to force me to the nurse so she doesn't have to look at me, "I think you should see the nurse."

"No," I say in a stronger tone. All I want is to get on with my day after just saving the Primary Universe for the thirty-somthing-th time without any shit from anyone, "The period's almost over, just go on with the stupid lesson and I'll go on pretending I'm not here."

She doesn't gasp but her eyes bulge the slightest bit to hold in all her anger. She let's out a sigh and in a dismissive tone explains away my attitude. She shakes her head once as she falsely smiles, "I'll just chalk this up to your recent brush with death, Mr. Darko. I expect you to be a well-rounded individual by our next class."

I resist rolling my eyes. The last thing I need is to get in trouble and lose my after school time and one of my few classes with Cherita. I look to her again and notice while everyone else's eyes are on me she is still looking forward. That pain—that heart in my stomach coming out of my ass pain—is back again. I swallow hard and look back toward the window. If she doesn't love me I don't know what I'll do. Create a portal, maybe go back to keep myself in that bed and go squish.

No.

The bell rings and I stand. I can't be in this place any longer and time portals don't work like that. In fact I'm not supposed to know how they work at all. This time traveling thing is supposed to be like a dream. You wake up and go on with your day, then forget all about it. But also like a dream, if you hold onto it before and as you wake up...it makes you lose your fucking mind.

I watch as Cherita gets to her feet after most of the kids are half way out the room. My own friends leave because they know when I'm in this mood they should stay away. All that's left is me and Cherita and I think she's waiting for me to go first but I don't want to. Lunch is next period and I want to see where she goes and what she does. Maybe break into her locker and see if my name is on any of her other books I don't know about.

But the silence between us is deafening. I still have the Sharpie from this morning that I last used to blot out Joanie's addition. I take little steps, but they still echo in the room. When I'm by her side I suddenly catch a whiff of her scent or perfume or whatever and it's such a strong thing, not that she used a lot but just that it's dominant and womanly and familiar. It makes my heart thunder in my chest like never before, and I can't help but to swallow hard.

She turns her head the slightest bit and I can see there that she is gentle and afraid. I find it so sweet how I tower over her and how she seems to have just realized that. I lick my dry lips as I motion toward the marker in my hand. This is stupid, so stupid, I know; but what else can I do? I lift my cast—showing off where I blotted Joanie's name and number, just in case she was upset about that—as I ask, "Do you wanna...sign my cast now?"

Her lips are slightly parted, pink petals surrounded by large cheeks that make me think of x-rated things. She shuts her mouth and swallows in an uncomfortable manner. She begins to shake her head but a rush of anger or something overcomes me and I grab her hand that is creating that shield with her books over her chest to put the marker in it so she has no choice but to sign but it all goes wrong. Our skin meets and it's like an electric shock so sharp and smooth hits my skin and she must have felt it too because she jumps the slightest bit and her books to flying.

"Cherita, I-I...," I try to apologize as I lower down to pick her books up and that's when I see it. It's like that instant shitty blood draining feeling but the exact opposite, like blood is filling into me. My heart works so fast it feels like it stopped. A flood lets loose from my eyes and there is the tell tale sign of a moisture drop on the brown paper bag book cover beside my name.

I look to her, wanting to kiss those petal lips, but she is in a tangle of mess she fights to get out of. Panic is on her face and she scrambles to grab the books to do what I don't want her to—leave. I reach my hand forward to touch her arm but she jerks away and grabs the last of her stuff as she storms out of the room. I find myself quaking in what just happened and confused by my own body's response. Never has a girl made me feel this way. Never before had I wanted someone so bad.

I'm taken back to the first time I had seen the book. I wish I had those earmuffs. I wish I had those damn earmuffs.


	5. Chapter 5

**Cherita Chen:**

Jim Cunningham looks like the type of man that thinks he will reach Nirvana by having the largest group of middle-aged, bored housewives following him than any other cult leader. He is handsome but his eyes are dead and it isn't just the video that makes them seem that way. There is something wrong with him. I don't need to see him in person to know that. He is corrupted and the fact that Ms. Farmer is so adamant about us falling in love with him only proves it.

"Is something wrong, Mr. Darko?"

Just the sound of his name burns my sides. I had managed to focus all of my attention on what she was saying so that I wouldn't have to focus on him sitting right behind me. His stare had been burning me like venom blistering my skin and forcing away the muscle. I hoped he would leave. I hoped that all the negative energy I sent toward him in preparation for this class would make him realize that I can't bear to be in his presence any more. I hoped he would love me. And I will never get anything I want at all.

"No," his voice is like dynamite exploding through the airwaves.

"You look troubled, do you want to see the nurse? I think you should see the nurse."

I can't see him but in her eyes, her terrible screaming eyes I can just imagine his destructive expression as he repeats, "No. The period's almost over, just go on with the stupid lesson and I'll go on pretending I'm not here."

The thing about him is that anyone would think he was just a rebellious teenager with an authority problem but that couldn't be further from the truth. I know he treats Ms. Pomeroy with nothing but respect and admiration. Professor Monnitoff I know he soaks up every word that comes from his mouth. He doesn't attack anyone that tells him what to do. He attacks bullshit and lies.

"I'll just chalk this up to your recent brush with death, Mr. Darko. I expect you to be a well-rounded individual by our next class."

She doesn't understand a thing, this woman. My mother always taught me that I can learn anything from anyone but she seems less like an instructor and more like an example. She is why Jesus came to Earth the first time. Believers like her that force nonsense interpretation of scripture and literature into the minds of youth is exactly what God will condemn. There is a reason Joanie is a miniature beast that is the leader of every organization her mother can get her hands upon. I can only feel bad for the bouncy haired girl…I can't keep hating her for what is given to her and I should pity her for what her mother takes away.

The bell rings and I swallow hard because this is always one of the worst parts; walking into class and getting out of it. Anyone behind me will think their most creative thoughts and if they don't think them they certainly say it out loud. I've created a sort of schedule so that I never have to be caught in that kind of situation again but there of course are situations like right now that I can't control. I'm trying my hardest to put my books in the kind of order that hide my stupid doodling because he can't see it. I don't…I don't love him anymore because I know what comes next and I realize I've been too stupid. I've been trying to keep him a secret for so long but Joanie has caught him in her web and no matter what Ms. Farmer thinks she will give her daughter anything she wants, even him.

The last student is out of the classroom and all that is left is me and him and I'm stuck. I thought I decided that I didn't want him anymore but with him so close and just me there to appreciate the warmth escaping him I can't lie to myself anymore. I hear his footsteps and my heart is rattling against the cage of my chest and I want to cry because I don't know what to do. For so long I've wanted him to just look at me and for so long I've wanted him to just talk to me and now I just want to be left alone. If he gets any closer he will see what I really am. If he gets any closer he will see that I'm not only ugly on the outside but I'm ugly on the inside too.

He is at my side in seconds and the world is crumbling down around us. I have never once been so close and I have never once realized how giant he is. He is godly around me and I just want to cower in his shadow. I don't know what to say but he shows me the big black spot on his cast where Joanie's name and number had been and I have no idea what that means. His voice, whatever magic is inside of his voice, questions hesitantly, "Do you wanna...sign my cast now?"

I have to open my mouth to breath because I don't know what it means. I want to go and I'm tired of this joke because that's what it has to be. I shut my lips and swallow hard as I shake my head but suddenly he moves in a flash and there is red hot anger in the air that grasps my arms and there is a shock through out my entire body and I jump and vibrate with the feel of some sort of wave ripping through me and I don't know what it means and I'm scared and I'm afraid and I don't know what to do.

"Cherita, I-I...," and then there is silence and I realize what is on the floor. Oh, no. No! I drop down and begin grasping my books as I feel tears jump to my eyes. I hold them back as I scramble to grab the things that I knew I should have destroyed a long time ago. He touches my arm and I jerk away as I rush out of the room and feel slow tears fall down on the inside of me. I rush to the nearest Girl's room and drop into the first stall and plop onto the seat. I shut my eyes and try to breathe, unable to even think about Lunch or the bell or what happens after right now.

I drop my eyes and look at the stupid book when something captures my attention. A single dot left on the brown paper bag my mother had used to cover the book and I had cursed myself with. I know I cry but I keep it inside until I get home…I didn't cry. That means…that means the tears belong to him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Donnie Darko:**

I spent the rest of the period following Cherita around. Well…not following but searching. Stupidly, I spent most of my time focusing on my own petty problems—like saving the world—instead of paying attention to where the lone girl went. I asked around but usually got the same answers.

"Who?"

"Going whale hunting?"

"Does it matter?"

Joanie gave a really interesting answer though.

"Why? Planning on sending your scraps down the garbage disposal?"

It wasn't what she said but how she said it. Her eyes were dark and her tone disturbingly rude. She sounded so mean…heartbroken even. The way she said it gave me this dark chill. Like something I didn't want to happen was already happening before my eyes. And then before I could say anything else the new girl spoke.

"Hey, I saw her in the girl's bathroom…on the first floor."

Gretchen.

Apart of my heart still vibrated at the sight of her but things were different this time. She went and sat by Sean during English class and I didn't feel jealous at all. I actually felt…relieved. The class went on as normal except for the half smile I caught at the corner of Joanie's pink glossed mouth. Much different from her angrily moving mouth that more likely than not was throwing Cherita under the bus.

I stormed into the girl's bathroom and after a search that made one girl pee herself and another scream I began uncovering her hiding places. People that either secretly shared these places with her or that were nice enough not rat her out gave me the information I needed. There was the library, the old hallway with the window seat, the janitor's closet, and then a bunch of little places I never realized would be actual safe places in the school. It wasn't until I got outside to the smokers that a guy pointed over to the bleachers of the baseball field that I found her favorite place.

"Yeah, she like, always eats lunch there. Always. When it's snowing though she hangs out in the courtyard by that dumbass statue but when it's raining sometimes I let her sit in the back of my van. She's like…really cool to talk to, you know?"

My fists clench so tight at the sound of him talking about the girl _I _love but I know I should be thinking about thanking him instead of thinking about the possibility of him…kissing those lips that I have no right to feel like they only belong to me. And it's not just that. It's that I don't know. It's that I don't know how cool she is to talk to because I've never given her the chance and now…and now it's like I'll never get one. I shake my head and lift up my hand briefly as I begin to turn away, "Yeah, man, thanks."

"No pro…," he stops and I pause to look at him. His eyes that had bee clear suddenly get red like those old stoners while his voice gets an echo to it I never heard before, "Hey…You're that Darko kid, right?"

My blood freezes, "Yeah…"

"You should have done this a long time ago."

"I know," I respond calmly but my insides are shaking. What does that mean? Who is this guy? Why does he remind me too much of Frank?

I shake my head again and start walking away, leaving behind his voice that calls out again, "A long time ago."

I don't want to but suddenly I'm back in Eighth Grade and it's me and Ron and Sean and those other assholes Seth and Ricky and what happened in that locker room. My heart is beating so fast and I'm starting to sweat as I try to get calm while I walk to meet her at the bleachers. We were going through puberty back then; always looking at Playboys and always talking about sex. We decided we wanted to see some real tits and we went through the pros and cons, quickly realizing that the girls our age wouldn't have full "juicy" ones and there was no way in hell we'd see a grown woman's. My hands are sweating as I think back to that and I wonder if she still thinks about that too. Is that's what's making her hate me now? We were stupid—_I_ was stupid—and we decided Cherita was the closest we could get to actual boobs.

My face is hot and I have the instant desire to go back in time and punch us all in the fucking face. What were we thinking? Who does that? Who does what we did? I need to talk to her, I know that, and there's some cosmic right about this feeling that I just can't get over. Maybe I'm cursed so much because of what I did to her in that locker room. Maybe I'm supposed to right what I have wronged with her before it's too late.

I pause in midstep behind the bleachers and realize I should think of something to say. Something that will get her attention and stop her from running away from me before I get a word or explanation out. I've got to come out swinging with something like "Cherita, I'm in love with you" but not so bold. She might think it's a joke and if she thinks that it'll take a whole lot more than I know to get her back on my side. I don't know how to explain that I need her love and it's the only thing that will keep me going because if I don't have it…I have nothing else in this rotten world and it might as well go to hell for all I care.

But I can't keep thinking and I've got to start acting now. I quickly round the corner with my eyes down on my feet as I climb the bleachers and I start to say, "Cherita I need to talk to you because I…" but she's not there.

Sean and Gretchen are sitting together talking and when he looks at me his face looks like he's eaten something sour, "What the fuck are you doing, Don?"

"Have you seen Cherita?" I demand.

"Last I saw she was in that bathroom like I told you," Gretchen looks nervous and there's still a part of me that wants to protect her from feeling scared.

"Yeah, she's not there," I look down at the seats around me and catch sight of a ripped up brown paper bag rolling along the bench.

"Donnie? Why does it matter?" Sean continues, still with that confusion on his features but I can't answer him as I focus on the brown paper bag.

"If he wants to talk to her that's fine. What's the big deal?" Gretchen tries to defend.

"Because….no one talks to her."

"Don't you think that should change?"

The bag rolls over to me and I lift it up and realize what it is. I grab it and run off the bleachers, leaving them calling after me. The thing is clenched inside of my fists as I begin my run toward the school and where this could have come from. I'm losing my fucking mind. I need to know what happened. I need to know why name is floating across the school and why it's no longer on her text book.


	7. Chapter 7

**Cherita Chen:**

The door slams open and I flinch at the sound but out comes a quick and apologetic, "Oh, shit! Sorry…sorry."

My eyes turn through the stalls to look at who could have spoken but I realize quickly I don't have X-ray vision and I can't see a thing. I lower my eyes once again and find my finger tracing over the wet spot that he left behind. A part of me wants to go searching for him to demand he tell what the tears mean but I know I don't have the courage. I would stay here in the bathroom if I didn't leave my lunch in my locker and I didn't miss lunch.

I begin to stand upright to leave but suddenly the gentle, nervous voice breaks the air, "Hey, crap, I'm sorry but can you pass me some tissue? It's starting to look like this day is getting worse and worse."

I can't help but to smile briefly as I pull out a few lengths of tissue and rip it off to make the pass underneath the stall. A slender hand reaches under to take it from me and I nod briefly at her thanks. I step out of the stall and drop my books onto the corner of the sink as I reach forward to absentmindedly wash my hands. My eyes glance up at the mirror to see my own face but I turn away quickly. I don't want to look at myself anymore.

The stall opens behind me and I instantly catch sight of the beautiful girl that walks out behind me. Her name is Gretchen, I know that because she's the new girl and today is her first day. She begins to smile at me but I look down again. I don't want to see the pity look that will eventually come. Most girl's are kind enough to keep their comments to themselves but they can't hide the look. No one can hide the look.

"Hey…um…thank you. For that. In my own school no one does that. We had to bring our own toilet paper to school. There were major cutbacks," she begins to talk and I'm at a loss for words as I gaze at her…totally absent of the look.

I don't know what to say.

"My name's Gretchen…by the way," her hands are clean but I'm still nervous when she extends hers to me.

"Cherita…," I respond, slowly taking it and shaking it.

"It's nice to meet you," she smiles and I nod nervously in return. I don't know why she's being so nice but I know it will stop. It always does. They're always nice to me until they make a new group of friends and then I'm their biggest target. Anything they can do to distance themselves from me by any means necessary. "You know, it's really hard to make friends here. This place…everyone is such a bitch."

"I know. Most of the kids that go here have parents that work here too, so even if you wanted to make a response there's no way anyone will do anything."

The words come out of my mouth before I have time to respond, "I can tell. I already know that Ms. Farmer monster and her little she-devil Joanie are related but God, can they get any worse? Sparkle Motion? What the fuck is up with that?"

I can't help but to laugh as I glance downward with a slight frown, "Yeah…it's pretty awful. The talent show is coming up and they practice nonstop. I'm sure they're doing it right now."

"God, how awful?" she smiled before a knock on the door suddenly disturbed our conversation and a male voice called her name. She blushed lightly as she glanced down, "That's for me. It was nice meeting you Cherita."

I nodded back, "It was nice meeting you too, Gretchen."

I spent the rest of the period getting my lunch and trying to avoid him but it seemed everywhere I went he just kept popping up. I held onto my textbook beneath my arm, feeling it vibrating like a heart in my hold. I took in a deep breath and decided to go through the courtyard instead to find as I had imagined Sparkle Motion in the middle of practice. I made sure to walk past quickly until a strong wind made my hair whip around my face and when I finally got it out of the way there was Joanie before me.

"I don't know what you're weird obsession with Donnie Darko is but you need to get real. Look at you and look at him. It's never going to happen and I hear he's looking for you to tell you so. Okay? So get real!"

She slammed my books down and I let out a sudden shout as she caught sight of the textbook on the floor with his name on it. She gasped and grabbed the book, ripping it off and throwing it behind her in the wind. I shut my eyes and waited for her to leave but instead came the laughs as I lower myself and pick up all the things she had dropped. I watched the paper bag floating away and through the field but turned away and rushed backward into the school. She was right. Look at me. She was right.


	8. Chapter 8

**Donnie Darko:**

The end of the day came before I had a chance to see her again but still I held onto that ripped up piece of my slowly dying heart. I kept it folded in the palm of my hand as I went out in a daze from period to period, searching the halls for a glimpse of her face. I had thought Cherita would be easy to find—she did stand out—but to my surprise she had a way of disappearing. It wasn't until the very last period that I decided my only chance of talking to her was writing her some sort of note and asking her to talk me…to give me a chance. I wrote it hastily and sloppily on the verge of tears, begging her…begging her to be the person that made me feel like I had more in the world to live for.

I slipped the note into her locker and sat at the front of the bus, waiting for her to come on so I can grab her and finally set things straight. But she didn't come on. She didn't come on.

"Donnie, dinner's ready!" Mom calls from the bottom of the stairs but I don't make a move.

The thought of eating right now makes me feel like I'm going to puke. I feel like a broken record smashed into pieces on the floor but how can I not keep skipping back to the same track? I remember feeling so lost in that hallway and then seeing Cherita Chen. Even then, right in that second, I had this feeling like I _needed_ to talk to her. I _needed _to be near her and when I held her face I felt that warmth that was so pure and untainted. My hands remember the smoothness of her skin and the light of her eyes that were so terrified and afraid. And then the books fell.

"Donnie, dinner's ready. Come downstairs."

My eyes drift up to see Elizabeth leaning against the doorframe. My mind hesitantly drifts to Frank but I shove the thought aside. There's something different about her. She looks…nervous?

"Come on, don't make me beg."

"What's going on?"

I can see her taking in a deep breath and I have a sudden urge to scream. Not her. No, it can't be her. She can't be the…it can't be happening to her…As much as I fucking hate it I wouldn't wish it on anyone. That pain, that feeling of your brain being ripped apart by the edges of reality, getting lost in and losing yourself totally and completely until you are spat back out into some former version of yourself. Elizabeth is strong as fuck but it doesn't take strength it takes insanity. A sane person couldn't do what I've done. A sane person couldn't handle it like my mom and Roberta Sparrow.

"Elizabeth?"

"I'm…I'm pregnant."

"What!"

Her eyes bulge outward as she lifts her hands toward me like she's going to strange me, "Shut up! Shit! Not really, but if I tell mom and dad that first they won't freak out about the real news."

"What…" my heart is still hammering in my chest, "is the real news?"

"My…uh…my boyfriend wants me to go with him," she pauses and I can see the absolute joy twinkling inside of her features, "to Massachusetts."

I don't know what to say. Her boyfriend, Frank, is the magical fucking bunny that's been guiding me along into saving the universe for the past millionth time and never EVER does Elizabeth mention him to me or dad or mom or anyone until it's already over and it's way too late. I want to shriek but I don't know if it's from happiness or despair. The only thing I can manage to say is, "Like…forever?"

She rolls her eyes, "No."

"Just for a…while," she has a smile on her face I can't relate to.

"What about college?" I question.

"That's…that's exactly it. If I make it to Harvard we'll be living together already and I won't have to dorm on campus and if I don't," her eyes are dark but she still manages to hold that…that look of peace that comes with reciprocated love, "I don't want to go."

I don't know what to say to her. I don't know how to respond. I want so badly to tell her it's a bad idea but the reality is I don't know what kind of idea this is. It's great. It's different, almost too different and I don't know how to handle it or understand what to make of the situation. I want to say don't go but at the same time I want to tell her to get the fuck out of here.

"You know, I heard you were looking for Cherita Chen today."

"So? Does it bother you?" I snap as I sit up from the bed.

"No, no," she shakes her head and gets that worried expression like we were having a moment and she knows she just shitted all over it, "I just…I think it's nice. I see her walking home alone all the time. No one talks to her. I think it's nice that you're trying."

I'm quiet and I don't make a sound yet. She's not like the same sister I've known. She's different somehow. I shake my head, "You want us to meet Frank, don't you?"

Her eyes get huge as her mouth falls into a thin line, "How…how'd you know his name?"

"Mom said come downstairs right now guys!" Sam yells as she comes up from right behind Elizabeth, "Come on, Donnie, mom made you're favorite. She wants to talk to you."

Sam spins around, sending her hair out to whip Elizabeth and to make her flinch before she calms down and leans against the doorframe so she can look desperately at me, "Please, Donnie, I need you there so they don't flip out on me. Sam's not going to know what's going on. I need someone on my side."

"Fine," is all I can think to mumble as I shove Cherita's ripped up cover into my pocket.

She smiles and motions behind her at the stairs, "No let's go before they rip our heads off."

"ELIZABETH! DONNIE! GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE NOW!"

I roll my eyes, "Too late."


End file.
